Whoa, Turbo.

1. Maybe I am just naive.

2. Maybe I just need to get used to this online thing.

3. Maybe I am just a magnet for crazy people? (I’m convinced it’s #3)

So I guess I’ll admit that I knew to expect some messages that made me cringe a bit. Ok, maybe a lot. I try to be understanding, but the benefit of online dating is that you are completely detached, which makes it a whole lot easier to for me roll my eyes at an expression of utter desperation. I swear I’m not completely heartless — in fact I am the complete opposite — but even if I am having a lonely moment, which I have, I’m sure as hell not going to scare someone off by letting them know. I’ve heard men complain that we women do this all the time. Well, I am here to let you know that men are just as guilty of this… and now I understand more than ever why men shudder and run away over the antics of a lonely woman’s heart.

Today, I received an email that specifically stuck out — for all of the wrong reasons. I almost can’t help feeling bad about it… almost.

Strike one: This guy points out he has no girlfriend (well, I’d hope not!)… followed by a sad face.

Strike two: Leaving his number, emphasize that I contact him, and then admitting that this move is a little creepy.

Strike three:

Oh and by the way the Hoildays are around the corner and you and i both know it would be a great feeling for us to start something new for the new year..just a heads up..


The “just the heads up” really put the icing (and some fucking sprinkles) on the cake. I know that the holidays can be rough time for people, but geez! That instantly squashed any interest that you may have been capable of sparking (and that is aside from capitalizing everything except your “I”s …. and the cholo Myspace profile pic). I’m sure you’re a nice guy, but first impressions are everything — and seriously, don’t ever tell me “what I know.”

And so I leave you with my first official online dating tip:

Tip #1: Don’t appear desperate, even if that’s that way you are feeling. Dating is a process, and just because you’re meeting people online that doesn’t make the attraction and emotions come around any faster. Take your time and take it slow. Otherwise, people will probably keep passing you by — and you don’t want that, do you?


One thought on “Whoa, Turbo.

  1. Pete Howorth says:

    Could be worse, he could have said, “I know this is a little stalkerish but could I have your home address so I can stand outside at night-time and imagine what you look like sleeping?”

    But yeah if they sound the tiniest bit desperate, there is usually something mentally wrong with them.

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